“Are we loving each other?”

“Unknowingly, Love” is the first research phase of the next project Complexity of Ironies; Hatred and Love. The performance approaches love as a relational condition rather than merely an emotion, implicitly examining the unexpected proximity between love and hatred.

As the initial research phase, it focuses on the characteristics of love, how relationships are formed through it, and how vernerable we become within those relationships.

This research will later expand toward an exploration of hatred and the complex relationships shaped through both love and hatred.

“How should we live together, loving each Other?”

(work-in-progress)

“What and Where exactly is the Other that we fear?”

Using the metaphor of an invisible snake whose presence is only sensed through its discarded skin, Slough-ing off; Orbit of Otherness explores Fear and Otherness, approached from a decolonial perspective.

When Fear is understood as a foundational condition of relationality rather than an individual emotion, Fear of the Other is constantly reshaped through relationships. This opens the possibility to re-examine the Other by asking: "What, and where, then, is the Other we fear?"

Ultimately, the work asks: "How should we live with Fear that is not from Others, together with the Others?"

We may say that: “Now, this is going to be a performance.”

Researching relationships between Human and Non-Human from a decolonial perspective, the performance re-asks what it means to be human, reflects on our complex relations, and ultimately asks: How do we live together, now?

“What are we actually afraid of?"
The performance is about Fear and Relationships between Human and Non-Human. It aims to deconstruct the notion of Human and Anthropocentrism by focusing on the entanglement-our coexistences. Countless non-human entities — such as microorganisms, bacteria, immune system, and diseases — constantly constitute us and we often say, “They are part of us.” Yet, could we go further and say, “They are us”? Or do we perhaps still need time to grasp that we are collective beings, and that the uncanny is not distant, but always already with us?

(...)
"Okay, it's just a dream. Only thing I need to do now, is, I should wake me up.
I should open up my eyes, so I opened my eyes. But I was still in that dream,
so, I opened my eyes again, but still. Again, Still. Again, Still. Again, Still.

(...)
What about our heart? We say: "I will give you my heart"
If we think about this sentence. It's really creepy. Imagine how.
(...)I'm shaking my hands with 40000ml of water, 5000ml of blood, 10kg of bones.

(...)
We were all once inside of someone's body.
We were drinking someone's water, having a breakfast,
laughing, crying and moving in someone's body.
and waiting to come out into this world where we're now located.

(...)
My friend, Dilophosaurus, has special ability.
It has an expandable body.
When it does fear, it expands its frill to make "the Other" fear.
Unfortunately, It has lost its ability, but only the half.
Which means: When we encounter each other as the Others,
I and it do fear only 50%, the halfway.

(...)
How should we be afraid of something that always wants to make us afraid?

“where are we?”

“Uncanny Habitat; under the unmoving Moon” is the third research-based performance on Fear and our complex relationship between Human and Non-Human. It aims to deconstruct the notions of both Human and Non-Human by focusing on their mutual influences and entanglements(-interdependencies).

Machines and Robots are already part of our everyday lives and even of our bodies. A question arises: "Whose movement affects whose movement and what do we look like as a process?" The Habitat we have built, where threats circulate, may appear uncanny or unsettling, but it might be the place we should feel at ease - by questioning it.
Furthermore, this performance moves closer to guiding question for the next projects: "how are we raised by each other?"

(...) Habitat
This is the Place where we are.
This is the World we built.
This is the Habitat we live.
Here, We threaten each other, but we love each other.

(...) Cuckoo chick
A cuckoo chick pushes the others out,
and is raised by another mother.
If that is nature’s law, then what about us,
you and me, our relationship?
How should our bond be described?
Can we ever be separated?
How are we raising, shaping, tending to one another?
questioning while struggling
not to become fixed, continually and ceaselessly.

(...) hybridity-postcolonial perspective
a body from Korea (surely carrying many mixed bloodlines), cork oak from Portugal, monkey vine from China, tillandsia from South America, artificial plants,
an olive tree (is it dead?), latex fabric from the Netherlands, robot arms, robot vacuums, robot dogs, a treadmill, songs from the colonial era, things whose origins can no longer be traced—the “hybrid beings” that we are. Under the unmoving moon, in a uncanny moonlight that is neither dark nor bright.

“What are we?" and “How are we related to each other?”

The performance "Collision and Delay; misaligned lines" is second research-based project about complex relationship between Human and Non-Human. It aims to deconstruct the notions of both Human and Non-Human by focusing on their mutual influences and entanglements(-interdependencies). The performance particularly engages with household appliances (microwave, fan, monitor, printer with hair, laptop, lamp etc.). It raises the question: “Since we live together in a space, who has invited whom to this space first?”
Furthermore, the performance opens up following question for the next projects: “How are we raised by each other?”

(...) Relationship
we know that Being close to something or someone doesn't always mean that
We're in good Relationship, and
"Relationship" is more about if we response to each other, and how.

(...) broken Relationship #2

1. Curious
2. Wait
3. Ununderstandable
4. Deny
5. Choose

(...) Can machines love?
We flip our phone and try to write "I love you" with fingers we don’t usually use for writing.

How should we hate the things-that we live with?

It's about our complex relationships, which are constructed especially through hatred, and should be re-interpreted from different perspectives. Hatred will never disappear, and We may not wish for everyone to be happy - but We may still be able to question 'ourselves' and response to each other, asking who we are living with-.

"We are companions, cum panis, at table together. We are those who are at risk to each other, who are each other's flesh, who eat and are eaten, and who get indigestion, who are, in Lynn Margulis's sense, in the symbiogenetic conjuncture of living and dying on Earth. "
– Donna Haraway-Campanions in Conversation of Manifestly Haraway 2016

“We may not want everyone to be happy.”

”Complexity of Ironies: shadow, mantis and cyborg” is a research-based project about hatred and ironies that emerge within ‘our complex relationships.’ It aims to deconstruct the notion of hatred and relationality by using the function of irony. The Project invites us to rethink the idea of ‘coexistence’ through the following sentence: “We require each other even to hate each other.”

Three fictional pieces - Shadow, Mantis, and Cyborg - expand the context of the project by deconstructing the boundaries between subjectivity and objectivity and reinterpreting the notion of "otherness”. Together, they help articulate the concept of complex relationality, particularly shaped by hatred, and reformulate the question:
"How should we hate the things-that live with us?"

"We-all of us on Terra-live in disturbing times, mixed-up times, troubling and turbid times. The task is to become capable, with each other in all of our bumptious kinds, of response."
– Donna Haraway-Introduction of Staying with the Trouble 2016

(...)Shadow
Sometimes, our shadow is moving differently from us.
We should obersve;
If our arm moves first or if the shadow of our arm moves first.
If we're following our shadow or if our shadow follows us.
If you notice it, It might be very scary.

(...)Performers and Start of Performance
Yes, This is the space where we live.
There are also performers living here.
Five performers, or maybe more than five.
Leonie, June, So Young, Rebecca, Floor, Dust, Stairs, Water, my Arm, Black Box, Cables etc.

And as you already know,
the Performance always starts when the space is filled with silence.

(...)Performance
People think this is a performance.
Yes, This is a performance, but it's not a performance.

We're just showing how we breath
how we walk,
how we sing,
how we dance.
how we live.

(...)dislike & hatred
But when we say: "I hate the things!" It means:
→We do care of that things. because we want to change something and expect something..
→And, It does matter how it moves or what it's doing, because we cannot stand for it anymore.
It means: 'hatred' has kind of Energy. It has a direction, it has counter-action.
Because we pay so much Attention to them,
like when we love.

"A Lie that seems Like a Lie"

Words and language, though inherently based on incompleteness and errors, bring us into relation. What was the first lie that was formulated by each of us? Because it was the moment we’ve started to understand the function of our words. What if the errors embedded in our language and world distort our perception of reality? We keep take off our Tale(Tail) and regenerate ourselves like a Lizard. The Lizard who left, and left its tail which was part of its flesh simultaneously but not disappears. Between those two bodies (Fleshes) I try to move.

<our word/world>

1. Imagination/Repetition
2. Performative/Incompleteness
3. Errors
4. Invisible Flesh (Tale/Tail)

(...)
But before we really start, I could give some tips:
First: you don't need to follow all the time and don't have to understand everything
Second: It means, it's fine, when you feel you are lost during the performance.
Because misunderstanding is also a way of understanding and Feeling confused or lost is also a signal that "we're still on the move, still moving."

(...)
When I was Kid, my mom used to tell me that "the world is beautiful."
This sentence is sometimes confusing.
It's not only because I need to understand the difference between beautiful and not beautiful,
But also because not sure if my mom was talking about "our word" or "our world"
The difference looks like big. But for me, sometimes it doesn't matter.

(...)
Struggling with someone who I cannot see. Someone who is not there.
We need to train ourselves and repeat ourselves. But differently.

(...)
I really like to talk with mic. This is my best friend.
Because With mic, I can reach with my words where we could not go.
So, I go where the mic wants to go. I follow my friend.

But even though we're best friend. We need some distance. Otherwise, We cannot go together. Because we're too close to each other.

(...)
When we walk on the street and meet a police officer and suddenly If the police officer says to me "don't move!"
I feel, I need to say that "Police officer, Sorry Sir, I really don't want to move, but my skin is still vibrating, my heart is biting and my head is brainstorming."

(...)
The Lizards, they take off their tails and they regenerate their tails.
They separate their Flesh from themselves and they regenerate themselves.

We also make stories, our own stories, our Tales.
We take off our Tales out of our body and we regenerate ourselves.

The important thing is, Our Tales don't disappear.

(...)
“We are still in performing”

We're already heading towards the end.
But we should not forget that we are "in performing"
For the performance, we need

(1)The Light
(2)The Floor
(3)The Performer.
(4)The Audience

"But does the Performance end before the applause or after applause or during the applause?"

"Why are we so far apart that we are so distant from each other?"

The project “Pluto & three Questions” is a research on errors of our perception and understanding. With the perspective that “everything is related to each other”, this project focuses on Alienation and Marginalization which happen within entangled relations.
Pluto which remains just out of sight contributes to thinking about the meaning of “defining”. This might be just an act which needs errors and incompleteness to be completed itself. It also aims to look at the difference between “not willing to see” and “not being able to see”. It also questions if we’re even realizing, that we get so far apart from each other.
Three questions that coincidently came up in daily life and related to the human body have the role to deepen this project, seeking to explore how we perceive our world and why Alienation occurs.

"Do we forget about those things because they have already disappeared before
or
Do they just disappear because we have already forgotten about them?"

(...) #Asshole
which is first?
"We cannot see our pluto because we do not want to see it?" or
"We do not want to see our pluto because we cannot see our pluto?"

(...) #Eye
We cannot see our pluto, because it's too close to us?

(...) #Hand
It's neither too far nor too close, but why can we still not see it?

(...)
It might have never disappeared. or does its existence depend on its absence (disappearances as a way of being exist)? I ask myself, if we could meet each other again.

(...)
I am 30 years old now. For me, it took 30 years that I found out that I cannot see my asshole.

So, when we say to a person "asshole", it means
this person is a person who we can never see.
But ironically we use this word "asshole",
because we would like to describe a person as a person
who we don't like or we don't want to see.

So, I'm confused between "We cannot see" and "We do not want to see"

The question is; which ist the first?

"We not able to see our asshole because we do not want to see it?" or
"We do not want to see our asshole because we are not able to see it?"

(...) Book
It's something like when we have two favorite pages in our favorite book.
But these two pages are not printed like this.
Unfortunately they are printed like this. So, we cannot see them at the same time.

“One day, when I went to sleep, I had a dream. The dream felt like, it’s real.
It was so real that I don’t need to have the outline for my dream”

The Project “Pull_Sh (Beside outlines)” focuses on alienation created by complex relationships and space, trying to deconstruct the definition "outlines" of space which is constantly being separated by door as an outline.
Of course, a door is also an outline itself and it has a thickness. Especially when we change our space (encountering the door), we confront the question; How should or could we react to following differences and reconsider the boundaries that define ‘us’? As soon as the door is opened or closed, Space is separated. and so are we. A question comes up: How can we come together beside those outlines (doors)?

(...)
I try to go to Korea once in a year
when I go to Korea I eat rice with my family.
But my mom always says to me:
"You should eat rice before it gets cold"
But actually, I like to eat rice that already got cold."

(...)
when an outline gets thicker, it becomes a door.
But the question is: "if I want or need to open the door, should I push it our pull it?" Because when I push the door, it feels like, my space gets bigger.
If I pull the door, it feels like, my space gets smaller.

(...)
our skin could be an outline.
We're moving.

(...)
I have three professors and sometimes, they talk about comfort zone.
A professor says to us we should try to come out of our comfort zone.
Another Professor says to us we don't need to, it's more important to know where our comfort zone is. And Another professor says nothing.
But I agree all of them.

(...)
Beside outline, a door, I ask myself.
I'm confused whether I'm inside of this space or outside of this space.
I'm confused now whether i'm opening the door or closing the door.
If I can open the door of my mind,
whether we're (in this space or these separated spaces) together.

(...)
I think, the rice got cold enough now.
And my performance is over, Thank you.

“How can I hit the back of my head with my breath?”

"Where is my breath going when I breath out?"
Could we say, that something or someone is alienated because they disappear? Because of Disappearance, we forget about them, and we get apart from each other? This Performance tells a story about our breath, asking if it is possible that something disappears and if then, how we can meet each other again. It can be described that we are connected to each other through our breath. Because the breath that I breathed out could be now in your body or somewhere. It also deals with the relationship between ‘us’ with the question: “How should we behave towards each other if we were to influence each other at any time?”

(...)
Sometimes, I like to think about the things that are going to disappear.
Sometimes, We believe, some of things will disappear.
Then, we are going to lose them
And we are going to start to forget about them,
And we think, we can never meet each other again.

(...)
But I'm confused between two sentences.
"If we forget about those things because they have already disappeared before?"
or
"If they just disappear because we have already forgotten about them?"

(...)
I've never seen my grandmother, the mother of my father.
Because she passed away after my dad was born.
But one day I thought like, the breath that my grandmother breathed in and out can still be somewhere, move and touch me someday.
It's actually a little bit creepy, But it's somehow touching at the same time.

(...)
But what if we play Hide and Seek with our breath?
It's totally unfair.

“If I really understand the meaning of that (the) nobody exists, I would be happy to hear that Nobody likes me.”

To understand the definition of “relation”, it would be necessary to understand the following definitions “nothing”, “nobody” and “empty”. Because a relationship requires mutual dependence. For example, the thought "that I’m moving my fingers" can turn into "that I’m moving the empty spaces between my fingers." 'Nobody' can be referred to as a thing or a person that exists in our society as 'nothing ' or 'nobody'.

(...)
why it sometimes happens that we don't understand something?

There are some things that are ununderstandable like a question; "from where to where is the snake's tail?"
How should we deal with them?
Because there is a 'tiny' difference between "we don't understand" and "we understand that we don't understand"

(…)
When we change my thought at a moment while we're moving our fingers, like 'I'm moving the empty spaces between my fingers', the movement changes.

(…)
apply a sentence "empty space exists" to "nobody exists" and "nothing exists"
Then, the meaning of those sentences changes.
These are the sentences whose meaning we should understand differently.
Then, if you hear "nobody likes you!", it's actually fine.
Because it means 'the nobody' likes you.

(…)
Is ‘nobody’ or ‘nothing’ really impossible to be seen?
Are they untouchable or still ununderstandable?
But it is the fact that we need them to make a ‘movement’.

“We are related to each other through the Water which is transparent”

In a relationship, ‘communication’ might possibly be described as a main topic. Using the concept of “transparency” and a question “why is water transparent?”, the performer explains why misunderstandings constantly occur in our communication and how we can then communicate with each other in a “transparent” way. At the end of the performance, the performer serves the audience a glass of water in a movable aquarium and the performer and the audience drink it at the same time.

(…)
We used to choose "Blue" for the color of Water,
Although we probably(?) already knew that water is actually transparent

(…)
If we see the Transparency as a color,
What could be the difference between those colors?
white ≠ transparent ≠ blue
would you believe if i say our bones are transparent?

(…)
Transparency & Communication
Why is there always missunderstandings?
What is the cause of missunderstandings?
How can we communicate each other with Transparency?

(…)
HUH, WOW, OHO
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA + H"
We should add one more "H".
And a Lie Detector that requires 'Error'
When we face something that is not understandable,
'That transparency' passes through our body, and our body becomes able to see our body through.

Why and how are we so apart from each other.

We may not say exactly how far. It's not only about physical distance. One thing is clear that we feel apart from each other. Is it because you or I disappeared? or Is it because you or I forgot _. Or just because we were never meant to understand each other. We may see each other again within black sky, when we start to hear ‘the sound’ of silence.

Yes, Although we use our body to make movement, it's not only about physical movement. Like we always need 'no-body' to form 'our body(some-body)', we try to concentrate on our unphysical stories as well. Then, we may start to see that Dis-connection is kind of a connection in ‘our relationship’. In other words: “we are related to each other, also through not being related."

When the day ends and the sky becomes black, we gather in a playground and start to dance, while the black sky is within.

How do we meet each other and How are we apart from each other?

The moment when we met each other came unexpectedly, as well as the moment when we started to become apart from each other. Connection and Disconnection. Those moments ask: “If we are still connected through this disconnection.” Echoes still blink continuously; trying not to disappear, instead lead us to reflect on ourselves and remind of things that are connected to me and 'us'.

“We might be related to each other through our memories.”

Maybe we are brought into connection through 'memory', which as an action also has its own space and time. With memory we shape each other and influence each other. Through these unperceivable senses we are connected and able to “understand” each other. It might also say that this “now” can be a part of “our memory” as a meaningful moment in which we will be together.

“There is a difference between ‘now’ and ‘noooooooooooooooooooooow’”

“I don’t really like yogurt, because I hate the texture of the thing”

It's a story about the relation between Hatred, Disgust and Fear. Some questions come up during the performance:
-“Why do we need to hate ‘the thing’”
-“Does ‘the things’ that we hate even really exist?”
-“Do we hate ‘the thing’ because we feel disgust? or Do we feel disgust because we hate ‘the thing.

(...)
When we feel disgusted, we throw up our things.
But when we throw up our things, we don't look at the sky.
We throw up our things while we're looking at the ground.
We are actually throwing down our things, looking at the ground.

(...)
I hate myself that I once really loved.
I feel disgusted by myself who was once a part of myself.
I start to distance myself from myself who was closest to me.
I lose myself who I once loved and now, I hate..
I hate myself.

(...) Fingernail-Applause

This is The things that we're going to cut off.
This is The things that we're not going to be together forever with.
This is The things that we love now, but we're going to hate.
This is The things that we're going to lose.
This is The Sound that we're going to lose.

Where and who do we get infected from/by?

During the sunset, we think about ourselves as contagious beings. We are constantly becoming with 'something’ or 'someone’, through infections. The performance "Sunset Virus" is set on the time when the Sun begins to color the sky, and those infections - fear, suspicion, awareness, alert, illusion, motion- are re-interpreted as Linking-Tools

The project "Relation between Zombie and Green” is about racism against Asians during the COVID-19 pandemic and our relationships, questioning the connection between zombies and the color green. While questioning the plausibility of this connection, the project also asks whether the racism against Asians, which has become particularly visible during the COVID-19 pandemic, holds a similar kind of plausibility, and how we can interpret this connection."

On 12 February 2022 at 0 o'clock I turn into a zombie because my back was bitten and infected by a zombie three days ago. One day before the transformation on 11 February 2022, I will be presenting my research results on zombies in front of the audience. It would be the proper time because I am still a human. The audience doesn’t need to be afraid. I have been infected but the virus doesn’t work ‘today’, but ‘from tomorrow. So, they are not in danger for now even though we are in a room together.

(...)
The zombie who infected, bit me, but my back. Which means, I can show you my wound, but I cannot see it by myself.

(...)
Wasabi has mysterious and magical energy.
Go to a sushi restaurant.
You will get only a very tiny amount of wasabi per a sushi piece.
This is because we, our body cannot stand the whole energy of wasabi.
So, we have to regulate the amount of wasabi
A little tip is that we shed tears when we eat a little more than a certain amount of wasabi.
Yes. Crying is an unusual moment. Do you remember the moment when your body trembled or your flesh and voice under your eyes shook when you cried?

(…)
I told my mom about the story of my bitten wound and also that I will become a zombie tomorrow.
She was shocked for the first time, Then she asked me
“But can we still meet again after (that)?"
I said, "Yes of course, Mom. It doesn't mean, that I am gonna die. But I don't know exactly what would happen, after my transformation. I am not sure at all if I will become aggressive and want to bite my mom.

If we were all connected through the ground as a medium, how should the ground and influences we take on each other be interpreted? An apple falls down because of gravity, we feel such vibrations from us and others. We share the ground with each other.

One day I thought that whenever I walk, I make the floor dirty. What does 'dirty' actually mean? 'Something is dirty' is supposed to presuppose a feeling that 'that something' needs to be cleaned or cleaned. It has to be waxed. However, this feeling always comes afterwards. For example, when a foot has been planted off the ground to go ahead, or after a handshake, the hand is seen to have become dirty with honey from the other hand.

'The moments covered up because of other happenings at the same time'

There are some things that can’t be physically held, yet still seem essential to hold onto. Yes. Even though we know it can't be physically grasped, it still feels like we're holding onto, and sometimes we get confused about where that hold actually is. But I keep asking and writing to hold onto some things that cannot be held.

(...)
When we were born, we had never learned how to breath and
also, how to hold our breath neither.

(...)
When, who, where, what, how and why
I don't know, but I love you.

The performance “vampire & laugh” is going to tell you a story about vampire.
But actually. it’s not about vampire. Like a vampire movie in which vampire never appears. Imagine how ‘horrible’ the movie would be.

It’s about relation between ‚expectation and frustration’ which make us keep holding our live-position. Those feelings might be related to each other so that sometimes makes us confused which one happened first. For living (surviving: drinking someone’s blood) vampire needs to make movement with their mouth and canine teeth which coincidently looks similar when we are laughing. So, vampire needs 'laugh' to live.

In order to 'live' vampire also needs "someone(somebody)". But the definition of this ’someone(some-body)’ should be discussed, who ‘this body’ should be to contribute other person (you=vampire) to live.

[how to hold back the laughter]

1. look into your eyes
   It sounds like a camera cannot take a picture of itself.
   But it would be worth to try it.
   It’s just too closed to see. Let’s try look into our eyes with our eyes!

2. make sound that has no sound
   Try to listen to ‘the sound’ which we could make with our ears.
   shhhhh. It's the sound that 'the nobody' can hear!

3. pinch your body
   It’s very important to know that the pain should be appropriately.
   It should not be too painful and also not be too less painful.
   It should give us ‘certain pain’ we could hold

It's about a research on the definition of 'moment' and the relation between ‘me’ and ‘my-self’ which may also be a relationship that should not be forgotten. it's our own stories we wrote through different moments we stayed. Moment has thickness. So, many moments come together to form the density of time. It's more like 'space'. The moment we want to go back or we don't want to go back, the moment we want to hold or keep, the moment we want to see again or don't want to see again, the moment we want to stay. ‘Boring moment’ might be the moment where we could encounter ourselves. It might be the space where ‘we’, ‘our stories’, and ‘someone who were with us’ stay related to each other.

(,,,)
“sorry, actually the purpose of this performance is to make this moment boring. So, after this performance if you liked my performance, you can come to me and say like "your performance was really boring!" I would really appreciate that!"

It's about a research on the definition of 'moment' and the relation between ‘me’ and ‘my-self’ which may also be a relationship that should not be forgotten. it's our own stories we wrote through different moments we stayed.

2019.12.02~2019.12.31

For a month I wanted to try to observe my body.
And also do some experiments with it.
Everyday for an hour.
How it looks like, How it moves, How it reacts to something.
Probably It seems, I also wanted to know about myself, which is closest to me.